The Gift of Listening

If you could be convicted of a felony for stealing conversations, how many of us would be behind bars? What if we took 100% responsibility of every conversation we have.

What is so difficult about listening-what gets in your way? Your emotions, your word choice and your past experiences all affect how you send and receive messages. That is why one message can have different meanings for each person.

Empathy doesn’t mean feel sorry for the person. It means try to understand what they are feeling. It is important to acknowledge feelings, set your personal judgement aside, respect the person’s perspective.

There are two kinds of listening, active listening which involves being present in the conversation and nod your head or smile or make sounds such an hmmmm or ahhhh, or the like. As you are able to listen to a person, you will communicate a care for them. That closeness will then open the door to allow you to hear each other and to understand each other’s feelings.

The second kind or listening is reflective listening. This kind of listening reflect what the other person shared in a way that lets the other know what you understand. Hearing each other is the key to effective communication. St. Francis of Assisi prayed that he might seek to understand rather than to be understood. If two people are trying to be understood, there is no one left to try to understand.

Encouragement is best received after the person has felt heard. When a person has a negative emotion we try to deny their feelings, we try to encourage them too soon. If encouragement is given too early the person resists what you say. I like the saying that Kairos Outside a Christian ministry says about listening, they say Listen, Listen, Love, Love. Let all try to do just that.

2007 Copyright by Carol A. Deel, MS, LCPC, LCMFT, All Rights Reserved. No part of this may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of the copyright owner.