Communicaton Style

What are some things that influence our communication style? One of the most important influences is our cultural background. I remember one time when I was visiting a friend from high school and when we walked into her house there were loud voices coming from the back of the house. I said to my friend, "Should we leave?" She looked at me puzzled and said, "Why?" I replied, "Because it sounds like your parents are having a fight." Her response surprised me, she said, "Oh, they’re not fighting, they are just talking." The tone of their voices definitely sounded like an argument. My friend is Italian and I still know her parents today and they still talk to each other in that same way.

Other cultural differences include, various signs of disrespect. In Asian cultures it is believed that looking someone in the eye is a form of disrespect. In Polynesian culture feet pointed directly at a person is a sign of disrespect. In Muslim countries pointing the bottom of your shoe at a person is a sign of disrespect.

Another influence of our communication style is who we are with at the time. We communicate differently with our friends then we do when we are meeting with our boss or when we are talking to our doctor. Our emotions at the time may also influence our communication style.

It is said that 90 percent of all communication is done nonverbally; words comprise of only 10 percent, sounds 30 percent and body language 60 percent. Learning about body language is valuable to interpret unspoken communication. In American culture eye contact is the single most important clue to a person's attitude. Looking someone in the eye conveys power, security, respect and thoughtfulness.

A smile, when used judiciously can also be a powerful tool. Of course there are negative uses of a smile such as a smirk or the Cheshire cat smile.

Hand gestures can be important if not too sweeping. If someone is waving their hands wildly, it can be interpreted as a lack of confidence in what they are saying.

Sitting-position also gives clues to how we are doing. Sitting squarely in your chair, feet on the floor, arms on the arm rest, will make you look as though you belong exactly where you are. Our posture also reveals what may be going on with us. Slouching or hunching is a warning signal. It’s a manifestation of tension and discomfort. Poor posture can signal indifference.

Our walking style reveals a great deal about us as well. When a person walks with confidence, they are seen as confident. Compare walking with confidence to strutting or walking hunched over, looking down and walking slowly. We usually interpret each of those styles differently.

Our facial expressions like rolling our eyes, knitting our brows, pursing our lips all say something about our attitude. So, being aware of our body language is important. We reveal so much more with how we hold ourselves, than what we say. Keeping that in mind will be helpful to you as you go about your life.

Blessings,
Carol

2006 Copyright by Carol A. Deel, MS, LCPC, LCMFT, All Rights Reserved. No part of this may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of the copyright owner.