In our last post we discussed the different categories of Difficult People. Today we will discuss how to deal with people in each category. This information is based on R.M. Bramson's work in his book entitled, Coping with Difficult People .
Exploders
Give them time to run down.
Break into their tantrum state.
Show your serious intention.
Interrupt the interaction.
Sherman Tanks
Give them time to run down.
Get into the conversation.
Get their attention.
Get them to sit down.
Speak your own point of view
Avoid a head on fight.
Be ready to be friendly.
Snipers
Surface the attack.
Provide them with an alternative to direct contest.
Get other points of view.
Deal with the problem.
Dealing with Complainers
Listen attentively.
Acknowledge what they're saying.
Don't agree with or apologize.
Avoid the accusation-defense-reaccusation pattern.
State and acknowledge facts.
Try to move to a problem-solving mode.
If all else fails, ask the Complainer: "How do you want this discussion to end?"
Dealing with the Unresponsive
Ask open ended questions.
Wait for a response.
Don't fill the space.
Comment on what's happening.
Help break the tension.
Set time limits.
Dealing with the Super-Agreeables
Make honesty non-threatening.
Be personable when you can.
Don't let them make unrealistic commitments.
Be prepared to compromise and negotiate.
Listen to their humor.
Dealing with the Negativists
State your own realistic optimism.
Don't argue.
Don't rush into proposing solutions.
Ask "So, what's the worst that could happen"?
Determine if there is any truth in the negative comments.
Be prepared to go it alone.
Dealing with Know-it-all Experts
Bulldozers
Know your stuff.
Listen and acknowledge.
Question firmly, don't confront.
Avoid being a counter expert.
Balloons
State the facts as an alternative version.
Give the balloon a way out.
Deal with them when they are alone.
Dealing with an Indecisive
Make it easy for them to be direct.
Pursue signs of indirection.
Consider that it might be you.
Help them to problem solve.
Rank order alternatives.
Give support after the decision has been made.
If possible, keep control.
References:
Advantage Media. (1983). Dealing with the irate customer [Film].
Anderson, K. (1993). Getting what you want. New York: Penguin.
Bramson, R.M. (1981). Coping with difficult people. New York: Dell.
Does your body language spell success? (March, 1990). Mademoiselle, pp. 220-223, 255-257.
Keating, C.J. (1984). Dealing with difficult people. Ramsey, N.J.: Paulist Press.
Blessings,
Carol
2006 Copyright by Carol A. Deel, MS, LCPC, LCMFT, All Rights Reserved. No part of this may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of the copyright owner.
Exploders
Give them time to run down.
Break into their tantrum state.
Show your serious intention.
Interrupt the interaction.
Sherman Tanks
Give them time to run down.
Get into the conversation.
Get their attention.
Get them to sit down.
Speak your own point of view
Avoid a head on fight.
Be ready to be friendly.
Snipers
Surface the attack.
Provide them with an alternative to direct contest.
Get other points of view.
Deal with the problem.
Dealing with Complainers
Listen attentively.
Acknowledge what they're saying.
Don't agree with or apologize.
Avoid the accusation-defense-reaccusation pattern.
State and acknowledge facts.
Try to move to a problem-solving mode.
If all else fails, ask the Complainer: "How do you want this discussion to end?"
Dealing with the Unresponsive
Ask open ended questions.
Wait for a response.
Don't fill the space.
Comment on what's happening.
Help break the tension.
Set time limits.
Dealing with the Super-Agreeables
Make honesty non-threatening.
Be personable when you can.
Don't let them make unrealistic commitments.
Be prepared to compromise and negotiate.
Listen to their humor.
Dealing with the Negativists
State your own realistic optimism.
Don't argue.
Don't rush into proposing solutions.
Ask "So, what's the worst that could happen"?
Determine if there is any truth in the negative comments.
Be prepared to go it alone.
Dealing with Know-it-all Experts
Bulldozers
Know your stuff.
Listen and acknowledge.
Question firmly, don't confront.
Avoid being a counter expert.
Balloons
State the facts as an alternative version.
Give the balloon a way out.
Deal with them when they are alone.
Dealing with an Indecisive
Make it easy for them to be direct.
Pursue signs of indirection.
Consider that it might be you.
Help them to problem solve.
Rank order alternatives.
Give support after the decision has been made.
If possible, keep control.
References:
Advantage Media. (1983). Dealing with the irate customer [Film].
Anderson, K. (1993). Getting what you want. New York: Penguin.
Bramson, R.M. (1981). Coping with difficult people. New York: Dell.
Does your body language spell success? (March, 1990). Mademoiselle, pp. 220-223, 255-257.
Keating, C.J. (1984). Dealing with difficult people. Ramsey, N.J.: Paulist Press.
Blessings,
Carol
2006 Copyright by Carol A. Deel, MS, LCPC, LCMFT, All Rights Reserved. No part of this may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of the copyright owner.
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